Celebrity Rehab

Going to rehab is a rite of passage in Hollywood. Nicole, Lindsay, Britney have all made trips to rehab for one reason or another (alcoholism, drugs, etc.) at one point in their careers. And while we all predicted that would happen eventually to these notorious party-girls, I was shocked to learn actress Eva Mendes (We Own the Night, Ghost Rider) checked into rehab.

Totally didn't see that one coming.

According to USmagazine.com, Eva is getting treatment for her substance abuse in cushy, "exclusive" rehabilitation facility, Cirque Lodge in Sundance, Utah (the same place Lindsay Lohan and Mary-Kate Olson completed treatment programs.)

So what exactly goes on at these rehab centers?
Do they even work? Hey Lindsay, how 'bout it?

Well, I was genuinely interested in seeing how this whole thing went down, so when Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew premiered on Vh1's Celebreality line-up earlier this year I made sure I watched.

Just one minor problem, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew turned out to be the most depressing show in the entire world.

The first episode introduces us to the celebrity patients. And the "biggest" star is Daniel Baldwin but honestly, I can't recall this Baldwin brother starring in anything worth noting, sry2say. Two of the other "stars" were former contestants on other Vh1 shows (re: Chyna and Brigitte Nielson.) The other patients are so Z-list, they're not even worth mentioning.

Oh wait, there were two that definitely took me on a trip down memory lane:
Shifty from Crazytown ("'Come my lady, come, come my lady,' and share my crack pipe") and Jamiee Foxworth (Judy Winslow loves ganga, and dabbles in porn), sadly brought me back to my childhood.










Anyway, I don't know what I was expecting, but I sure wasn't prepared to see Grease's bad-ass Kenickie (Jeff Conaway) reduced to a wheelchair or, worse yet, convulsing while trying to detox.



I get it -- it's rehab; it's not supposed to be all rainbows and sugarplums. But it just got a little too service-y for me, and that's way out of left field for the Celebreality genre.

These are the people who are responsible for shows like "Rock of Love," "Flavor of Love," and "I Love New York," where bad behavior is definitely encouraged. And (guess what?) copious amounts of liquor and an open bar are always, always present in the hopes people will drink one too many. The producers know that the show is only going to be that much more entertaining.

Think back to Rock of Love's first season's "Don't threaten me with a good time! "Tiffany (pictured right.) She was drunk out of her mind on the few episodes she did appear on and she was reality TV gold!

But of course, liquor, nor any other vice, is not on Celebrity Rehab's menu. Subsequently, there's no real bad behavior (unless you count Kenickie's fights with his girlfriend Vicki who looks a lot like Anna Nicole's Hillbilly cousin, Shelly. y/n?)

And the show ends up being a little too kumbaya for the Vh1 audience (re: me.)

So, in theory, Celebrity Rehab should work. It has "star" power and it has built-in drama, but it doesn't. It's actually boring and it just fails.

Though, on the plus side, Dr. Drew is the poor-man's version of CNN's delectable anchor, Anderson Cooper, and that might be reason enough to watch the show for a few more episodes.yes, please!