Half of what you say is meaningless... Juuuulia.

I read Gawker religiously. Every time I go online, I need a hit of Gawker. Yeah, it has gone downhill in the past year but I can't handle the withdrawal I go through when I don't read it for a few days.

Anyway, it was through Gawker that I learned about Julia Allison. Julia, who? I realize that if you don't check Gawker as compulsively as I do, you may not know about this woman with two first names.

OK, let's start from the beginning. First of all, her real name is Julia Baugher, and she's a Georgetown University alumna where she was the sex columnist for its newspaper, the Hoya. After graduating, she dropped the last name, packed up and moved to NYC where she became a columnist for the free newspaper, AMNY (yeah, I read it for the horoscope, too.) She was just another faceless, albeit very pretty faceless, writer in this jungle of a city when she was photographed with politician Harold Ford at some event.

Tongues started wagging, and Julia Allison has somehow managed to wrangle herself a plethora of job titles, including editor-at-large for Star magazine, weekly columnist at Time Out New York, talking-head for CNN, FoxNews, etc. Now, much to the dismay of most Gawker readers, Bravo (possibly NBC) is giving Julia Allison and two of her girlfriends (Megan Asha and Mary Rambin) their very own show. Cameras will follow the trio as they attempt to start an Internet company, and gallivant throughout NYC and beyond.

The whole thing is quite funny. In a thankless profession like journalism, writers are barely in the limelight -- always the bridesmaid, never the bride type of deal. But, it seems like Julia Allison is changing this one shameless self-promotion at a time. People have called her a real-life Carrie Bradshaw and while the two do share similarities, I think there's one big difference, Carrie(or rather the writers for Sex and the City) could actually write.

OK, so Julia Allison's easy on the eyes, there's no denying that, but something tells me it wasn't her hard-hitting journalism on dating for TONY or her thought-provoking comments about Britney Spears on FoxNews that got her to the top. Maybe I'm a little bitter (I did drink some haterade earlier today) but people like Julia Allison leave me a bit disillusioned about my impending future as a journalist.

I mean, kudos to her for leading such a charmed life and never having to pick up the tab, but her journalistic career is a load of crock. It disturbs me to even call her a "journalist," because what she is doing isn't even in the same realm as yellow journalism... oh wait, I guess that's what she is doing. Either way, I really hope Andy Warhol was right, and she's down to her last minute.

Magazines Sell Out. No, Not like That.

Radar magazine announced recently that Spencer Pratt, Lauren Conrad's arch nemesis on MTV's reality-drama The Hills, will write an advice column for the monthly entitled, "Yo Spencer!"

Starting next month, Pratt will dispense his profound wisdom about things like how to deal with girls who like threesomes and deodorant-challenged co-workers... serious issues, you know.

I mean this bro is definitely qualified to dispense advice; after all, he is a renaissance man. Over the last year not only did he manage to destroy friendships left and right, he also had time to manage ex-fiancee Heidi Montag's "singing" career, direct the disastrous music video for her first single "Higher," he's an aspiring rapper... aw, hell, there's no sugar-coating it, he's a walking punch-line.

OK, I get it, Radar isn't actually serious; they must be in on the joke... right?

I mean, despite folding and resurrecting a few times over the last ten years, Radar has some dignity left, no?

Anyway, I guess I'm less upset that Spencer continues to get undeserved publicity (hell, I don't help by watching The Hills religiously) as I am about the fact that he landed a job in the very industry that I am struggling to break into.

And he wasn't the first one on the hills to catch a "lucky" break in the magazine biz either. Who could forget Lauren Conrad's laughable interview with teenVogue's Lisa Love.

Here's how it went down:

Lisa Love: Can you write?

Lauren: Can I... Yeah...

Lisa Love: You can? Good?

Lauren: Well, I enjoy writing.

Granted she was interviewing for a fashion internship but really? REALLY?! That interview would never cut it.

Yup, it seems like four years of j-school means jack because you don't really need to know how to write to get your name on a masthead anymore. Forget a diploma and clips, nowadays all you need is a good audition tape to break into the print world.

Who could forget the SOAPnet's reality show, The Fashionista Diaries, where six contestants competed for jobs in the fashion/beauty industry -- two of which duked it out for a staff position at a woman's magazine (first Jane before it folded, and then, conveniently enough, COSMOgirl!).

By the end of the show, COSMOgirl! extended a position to contestant, Rachel Jacoby where she remains as a freelance assistant beauty editor. I can't really hate on Rachel, though, she's educated and, gasp, could actually write.

Still, for someone to treat your "dream job" as part of the prize on a reality/game show is to turn what was once a "respectable" career into a novelty item, and that... that's damn near insulting.

And it doesn't look like this trend will die anytime soon. Tyra Banks is collaborating with the CW network to create a reality show in which a group of "fashionistas" compete for a shot at becoming a assistant editor at a fashion magazine. The yet-to-be-named show is still casting and will begin production this spring.

Great, just what I needed come graduation time this May, more competition for an already depleting market. So... they're still casting, you say...

Educated Guesses, Not Just for Pregnancy Tests Anymore

Maxim's David Peisner gave the Black Crowes' upcoming album, "Warpaint," a bad review. He went on to give it a rating of two-and-a-half out of five stars (read the actual review here).

That's all fine and dandy, that's what reviewers are supposed to do: praise the good, and condemn the bad. Just one little problem: Peisner couldn't have possibly listened to the album because the Crowes' record label never made copies available for reviews!

When the Crowe's manager called out Maxim for this error, Maxim stood by their review and called it "an educated guess preview."

Now, the Crowes have a right to be livid because the album was unfairly judged and it may be the best thing they've produced since their genius multi-platinum debut, "Shake Your Money Maker" back in 1990. In fact, Rolling Stone gave "Warpaint" four-and-a-half stars out of five (which I'm sure writer, Alan Light, actually listened to.)

But let's be honest, had it not been for this whole fiasco, many wouldn't even know that the Crowes are still recording. Today, Chris Robinson is mainly recognized as actress Kate Hudson's ex-husband than the lead singer of one of the best bands of the '90s. So, as the saying goes, all press is good press, right?

Not exactly, while the publicity surrounding Maxim's review might actually generate sales for "Warpaint," it will probably hurt Maxim's journalistic integrity.

All right, fair enough, Maxim isn't exactly the beacon of prize-winning journalism, but this still affects the public's perception of journalism.

In fact, this isn't the first time Maxim has done this "educated guess preview" review. Rapper, Nas, has come forward with his claim that Maxim prematurely reviewed his album, "N***er," (which drops April 22, 2008) also giving it a dismal two-and-a-half stars out of five.

Though Nas has brushed it off, saying he'd prefer a review from Playboy, I don't think readers will react so nonchalantly.

Readers still trust journalists to inform them but with slip-ups like this, journalists are losing all of their credibility, which is detrimental to an already flailing medium.

Maxim's editorial director, James Kaminsky, has since apologized to Nas (the Crowes are still waiting), but it seems to me that it's too little, too late.

Teyana Taylor voguing, coincidence?

Teyana Taylor, best known for her stint on MTV's My Super Sweet 16, made an appearance on TRL to promote her new music video, "Google Me" (she's Pharrell's protege and her album, "A Planet Called Harlem" drops this spring.)

During the interview, she revealed that she was trying to bring voguing back, which was popular in 1993 after Madonna released her single, "Vogue." Teyana then demonstrated "voguing," and ended with a "suicide" dip (where she falls to the floor on her back with her legs in a half-split.) Shwam!

Voguing has been around for quite some time now, even before Madonna introduced it to middle-America back in the 20th century. It's huge in the gay community, to the point where there are actual competitions against different "houses." It's a really intricate sub-culture with a lot of history, and I think it's kind of offensive for this kid (Teyana) to take it upon herself to try to "bring it back."

But what's even more interesting is the rumor surrounding Teyana's own sexuality. Gee willikers, Teyana, this explains how you executed an almost perfect dip! You nearly got a "10, 10, 10" from me.

But when MTV VJ Damian asked her if she was currently dating anyone, she said she was only interested in dating her skateboard. Hmmm, still very suspicious.

Just don't eat it when you're riding on the carpet, if you catch my drift, miss thing.

The French and the Devil

I usually dislike most award shows. Still, I was one of the 32 million people (the lowest-rated since 1990) to watch the Oscar's last night.

What can I say? I was completely drugged up on cough syrup and needed to watch something that would be the visual equivalent of a lullaby.

But, somehow, I managed to stay awake through the four-hour telecast and caught a couple of note-worthy moments:

1) Marion Cotillard: The French-actress won the Best Actress award for her portrayal of French singer, Edith Piaf in the biopic, La Vie En Rose. She looked completely shocked and gave the most endearing acceptance speech in her broken English.

I have never seen the movie (or most movies nominated for that matter) so I can't really say if I think she "deserved" the award. But, I always root for the underdog. Plus, I love when people are genuinely grateful/shocked/honored when they win awards (think Amy Winehouse at this year's Grammy's); it just tugs at my heart strings.

Anyway, check out Marion's acceptance speech and allow yourself to fall in love with her, too:

oscars 2008 - marion cotillard meilleure actrice
Uploaded by SnipSnik-Production

Also, she looked absolutely stunning in her Gaultier gown!



2) Diablo Cody: The former, "unlikely" stripper won in the Best Original Screenplay category for her indie runaway-hit, Juno.

I wasn't a big fan of her outfit: a leopard-print Dior number and gold flats she wore in lieu of the million dollar heels Stuart Weitzman designed especially for her. The dress was just a shapeless sack and the shoes gave her cankles.

But, she's Diablo, and I'll forgive her because she just seems so damn cool anyway.

Also, I love that she didn't even try to hide the pin-up girl tattoo on her arm. She's unapologetic and has such a devil-may-care (pun intended) attitude that I envy.

Seriously, I want to be her, or at least be her BFF.

How many freckles can you count?

It's a bit ironic that New York's Spring Fashion issue features actress Lindsay Lohan wearing nothing more than a few strategically placed cloth-flowers and transparent scarves over her naked body.

But, I guess it isn't so ironic that "bad girl" Lohan was handpicked by photographer Bert Stern to re-create ever-so infamous Marilyn Monroe's last photoshoot (check out one of the original photos of Marilyn, below.)

And the similarities don't end there. The article (written by Amanda Fortini) suggests other eerie things the two artificial-blonds share:
"Forty-six years later, Stern has revisited his classic shots with Lindsay Lohan, another actress whose prodigious fame is not quite commensurate with her professional achievements... Without putting too fine a point on it, you might say Lohan has, like Monroe, a knack for courting the tabloids and tripping up her career."

Lindsay gushes about her obsession with Marilyn Monroe throughout the article and says it was important, "to bring [the book "The Complete Last Sitting" that featured Monroe's entire photoshoot] back to life.”

Back to life, eh? Hey, Lindsay, Marilyn Monroe died six weeks after this shoot... I'm just saying; anybody want to start a pool?

P.S. Click to see Lindsay's (NSFW) shoot.

Wash your mouth out

I cannot wait to be an old lady. I'm not looking forward to having my tits graze my knees or anything else that's inevitable with old age, but what I am looking forward to is being able to say and do whatever the hell I please. No apologies.

Seriously, anything you say as an older person is fair game because people are A) too scared to say anything to you because you remind them of their grandma, B) you're a cute old lady and anything you say sounds sweet and endearing, C) you're Dr. Ruth, or anybody from the Golden Girls.

This week, Jane Fonda -- a political activist, actress, and 80s fitness guru -- appeared on the the Today show to promote, "The Vagina Monologues " and said the word "cunt." Granted it was the name of a monologue but, you know what, it was still awesome. People went crazy about it because oh, my god, "cunt" is, like, such a dirty word. But kudos to her! Why are we still so afraid of some words? That's one thing I miss about living in Europe. It was just so liberating to not be confined by all of the regulations we have for American television. Anyway, watch Jane get the FCC's panties all up in a bunch with the following clip:


Some time ago Diane I-wear-gloves-to-every-red-carpet Keaton uttered "fucking" on Good Morning America when she was promoting that god-awful movie, Mad Money. Oops? But, like Fonda, she almost had a free pass because she's Diane Keaton! She's been around the block for some 30-odd years and, though it might raise some eyebrows, messing up like this isn't exactly career-suicide for her. Had it been a young starlet, her publicist would have to work on overdrive to remedy such a slip-up.


So, the lesson we learn here is that, when you reach that age, you really can say whatever you want, and it doesn't matter, because you only have a few years left anyway!

Thank god for live TV. C U Next Tuesday middle America!